09Apr2011

Betty and Sammy Tweet

Back on April 1, my computer was mysteriously taken over by a couple ‘Tweeters,’ whom I quickly recognized as Betty Buyer and Sammy Seller…

Betty: To follow consumer trends, must I do all new items by self in private label? Why you do no innovation, Sammy? Tired of your me-toos!
Sammy: Tired of yr slotting and BS fees, Betty! You still make all money when buy, not sell. You take all my best items and copy for PL anyway.

Betty: Why you do so many Power Pointless presentations? You think sexy? You shuffle all data to make self look good. Don’t believe you.
Sammy: God forbid you ever do own research, Betty. You treat store like parking lot where you just collect fees. All heavy lifting done by us.

Betty: LOL!! That why you make big bucks. I see your sales/profits up twice as fast as ours, so why I cry for you? Nice car you drive, too.
Sammy: Why you not put back my fast movers, ones you cut in SKU irrationalization program? We both lose money on Stupid Killing of Units.

Betty: Get clue, Sammy. Fewer SKUs mean more profit. Maybe you think bad if retailers make profit? Your “fast movers” do case every six years.
Sammy: You make us pay high for your demo people, but some of them dead for years. No life. And you never order enuf product to support demo.

Betty: If our demo people dead, why we run out of product? You can’t have both ways. Your forecasting bad. Can’t even predict dark at night.
Sammy: Why your store execution stink? No signage on displays. Items missing or short-faced. New items not on shelf in time. Cost us both big.

Betty: Why your store support stink? Used to send in entire Army to do resets, now just two retirees on oxygen for whole chain. I miss old days.
Sammy: You not work with us on definition of compliance or implementation. No clear lines of responsibility. Never any feedback from you!

Betty: You not work with us on definition of compliance or implementation. No clear lines of responsibility. Never any feedback from you!
Sammy: You remind me all time that you own shelves, so it up to you to make sure work gets done, no matter who does it. You expect me do it all!

Betty: You back out of most responsibility for this years ago, and expect me do it all, and you not help half as much anymore. What up with that?
Sammy: Be nice to tell us when you plan category review or reset, so we can present new items to you. Also be nice if you stuck to schedule.
Betty: Things change quick sometimes. Can’t always wait while you tie shoelaces. You often one wants exception to schedule, anyway.

Betty: Truth or illusion, Sammy; you don’t know the difference.
Sammy: No, but we must carry on as though we did.
Betty: Sammy and Betty. Sad, sad, sad.